sleep

i am blurry eyed. i didn't sleep. it's all i could do to focus on the plughole when cleaning my teeth this morning, before commencing a day of being able beyond my means. i don't know what kept me awake. i had insomnia for years, but haven't suffered for a while until last night. it was a fizzing night of restlessness that had me imagining ghosts and nonsense in the sounds outside my window. not fearful ghosts you understand - just history of intent - the echos of the men who carved this hill, who cut the road that leads up to this place. the stars were incredible last night. new zealand has sweet stella activity. i watched a satellite for a while - it moved like beauty itself across the southern hemisphere. someone will be able to watch football now - someone will make a phone call, someone will be able to gather intelligence before a bombing raid. today i am not able. i am not focused. i am going from one thing to the next, nicking my fingers and burning my tongue. it's time to relax or make tea.

pass

i missed walking on pavements in america. they use cars more and don't pace the streets, as much as folk do in other countries. imagine you're walking along a pavement and someone, a stranger is coming toward you, you stride left to avoid a collision, but they head the same way. you both hesitate and step to the opposite side, simultaneously. then back, and sometimes back again, as if you're trying to waltz your way around one another. you smile at one another and you've made a connection. those are the moments in life that gently thrill. i missed that; the awkwardly innocent human exchanges.